Archive for October, 2009

Two Years Ago, to this Day, I LIVED!

October 22, 2009

Paul sammonds1Two years ago to this day, I lived.  As I am writing this, two years ago at this exact hour, I was being driven to the emergency room, unsure of anything, except the glorious sunshine as it beamed through the leaves so givingly and exuberantly.  When I look back, I think upon that car ride as a moment in time where I was enormously happy and faithfully present with the magnificence all around.

 It is a potent event in one’s life to have almost died, and the truly poignant moments for me came several weeks later when I became fully cognoscente of my brush with death.  It was The Day of the Dead and people in my community were honoring those who had passed.  I realized, from my friends’ and communities’ eyes, what it would have meant for them to have had to place me on that altar of honoring.  And I felt a love in my heart, both inward flowing and outward, that I wish upon everyone to experience – to be that loved, to be that loving.  And I decided that we all need to feel that much more in our lives and so I began telling people the ways I appreciate them, the ways they affect me, the ways I see that they contribute to this world, how grateful I am to be here with them.

 Another affecting moment came during a fire ceremony where I was hearing songs about how forms come and forms go – yet the circle of life remains.  I was unexpectedly struck with knowing that all of this life would happen with or without me here… and that the world, my friends, my family would continue on and be okay regardless of whether I had passed or not.  I was suddenly no longer afraid of death or of life for that matter! This was a mammoth moment in my history when I felt completely free and powerful.  I forgot all about how I had needed help walking to get there and simply stood up and not only walked, but actually danced for the rest of the night!

So right now, I sit here in this moment feeling and holding in one hand, my own, each others, and this world’s vulnerability.  In my other hand I hold my, each others, and this world’s strength.  We are at a pivotal time on this earth’s history.  We are immensely blessed to be here.  I was blessed to be given more time to be here on this beautiful, beautiful planet with you all.  When I lived, all I could think of and feel was how lucky I was to see each and every face again that had made their way to me.  All of our personality differences, misunderstandings, etc… were all gone.  I was, quite simply, in love with everyone and firmly rooted in each and everyone’s and all of life’s blessedness.  As I continue to heal from this trauma, I am constantly reminded of both my vulnerability and my strength and I feel the call to step up, show myself, open my heart even more, take more risks, say what I see, contribute to others and to this world, celebrate my gifts, celebrate other’s, to vision a better world and to take action.  I try to not let one day go by without letting at least one person know that they are loved.  My wish for you is that you do not have to have a near death experience, but that you can read my story and consider it a fire under you to step it up.  As Paul Williams said in his poem, Common Sense, “How dare I be discouraged by anything so trivial as personal failure”. What are some of the ways you have been holding yourself back?  What is something you wish you would have said or done?  OK, now go out and do it!

Note: the above photo was taken in the Berrydale Forest on the Island of Hoy, Orkney, north of Scotland, by my friend, Paul.  Please see his other beautiful photos at