Archive for April, 2013

Aligning with The Great Cosmic Ray

April 7, 2013
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Strapped down with mouth guards listening to my favorite tunes and aligning with The Great Cosmic Ray

I am realizing now, how much I have approached life thinking myself as physically fragile and emotionally strong.  Give me any emotional task and I will tackle it with gusto, but put me on a steep ski slope, put me on a cell phone, or feed me microwaved food and you will find great resistance. Yes, I am the organic food eater, supplement-taker, and avoider of gluten and dairy. My exceptions in this regard have been with coffee and sugar – but I am still nowhere near the average American diet and I even have a 5 year committed anti-candida diet to brag about.

So here I am now faced with my worst fear… believe it or not it is not the cancer itself, but with the treatment.  Having toxic chemotherapy and radiation break apart my dna, wreak havoc on my immune system, destroy my body along with the cancer cells ranks up there with one of my biggest fears.  I have more trust in my body’s ability to heal itself from the cancer than I trust my body’s ability to heal from the treatment.  So why am I doing it?

It was not an easy decision – to decide how to approach this experience of cancer.  All I can say is that I went from someone who “would NEVER do chemo and radiation” to following all the indications that pointed me in that very direction.  I am doing it because, quite frankly, I listen to Spirit’s guidance in all matters of my life – and I was very clearly led to this choice.  For the record, it was not because of any last minute regrets by Steve Jobs – there are thousands of people who heal from cancer without getting radiaton or chemo.  An upcoming film outlines just what is possible in our ability to heal cancer and it is well worth supporting:  http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/turn-off-cancer-turn-on-life–2

I am more aware of the self-righteous alternative-health attitude about cancer (I used to be one of them).  I cannot tell you how many times I have read people making grand statements that if you eat healthy, you will not get cancer.  I am living proof that this is simply not true.  We must be careful in our assumptions about this multi-dimensional disease and we must take care not to diminish the experience of those of us living with the disease.  We cannot broad brush stroke and deny the success rates seen in traditional treatments of cancer – for my exact situation which is tongue cancer with an impacted lymph node  – my chances of survival increase exponentially by combining chemo and radiation with surgery.

I don’t know why I am on this journey – I don’t even know the cause of my cancer.  But I do know that I am committed to step into my fear and learn from it.  I am committed to learning as much as I can from this experience.  And I am committed to healing to my highest ability so that I may in turn help others to heal.  For now I just have to accept that there are two parts to me.  There is the part that hates and rejects this form of treatment.  And there is a part of me that is open to it.  There is a bridge of humor that helps to make the transition between these two selves possible.  So it helps me to rename chemo to “The Great Cosmic Juice”  and refer to the radiation as “The Great Cosmic Ray”.  If there is a way to align my purpose and will to these treatments – rest assured, I will find it.

We are powerful.  Our hearts and our energy bodies are much more powerful than we have given ourselves credit.  It is a power that is both soft and vulnerable.  And so it is this teacher, cancer, and it is because I am a student of all that I once rejected – traditional treatment of cancer – that deepens the surrender, the courage and strength within me now.