Aligning with The Great Cosmic Ray

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Strapped down with mouth guards listening to my favorite tunes and aligning with The Great Cosmic Ray

I am realizing now, how much I have approached life thinking myself as physically fragile and emotionally strong.  Give me any emotional task and I will tackle it with gusto, but put me on a steep ski slope, put me on a cell phone, or feed me microwaved food and you will find great resistance. Yes, I am the organic food eater, supplement-taker, and avoider of gluten and dairy. My exceptions in this regard have been with coffee and sugar – but I am still nowhere near the average American diet and I even have a 5 year committed anti-candida diet to brag about.

So here I am now faced with my worst fear… believe it or not it is not the cancer itself, but with the treatment.  Having toxic chemotherapy and radiation break apart my dna, wreak havoc on my immune system, destroy my body along with the cancer cells ranks up there with one of my biggest fears.  I have more trust in my body’s ability to heal itself from the cancer than I trust my body’s ability to heal from the treatment.  So why am I doing it?

It was not an easy decision – to decide how to approach this experience of cancer.  All I can say is that I went from someone who “would NEVER do chemo and radiation” to following all the indications that pointed me in that very direction.  I am doing it because, quite frankly, I listen to Spirit’s guidance in all matters of my life – and I was very clearly led to this choice.  For the record, it was not because of any last minute regrets by Steve Jobs – there are thousands of people who heal from cancer without getting radiaton or chemo.  An upcoming film outlines just what is possible in our ability to heal cancer and it is well worth supporting:  http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/turn-off-cancer-turn-on-life–2

I am more aware of the self-righteous alternative-health attitude about cancer (I used to be one of them).  I cannot tell you how many times I have read people making grand statements that if you eat healthy, you will not get cancer.  I am living proof that this is simply not true.  We must be careful in our assumptions about this multi-dimensional disease and we must take care not to diminish the experience of those of us living with the disease.  We cannot broad brush stroke and deny the success rates seen in traditional treatments of cancer – for my exact situation which is tongue cancer with an impacted lymph node  – my chances of survival increase exponentially by combining chemo and radiation with surgery.

I don’t know why I am on this journey – I don’t even know the cause of my cancer.  But I do know that I am committed to step into my fear and learn from it.  I am committed to learning as much as I can from this experience.  And I am committed to healing to my highest ability so that I may in turn help others to heal.  For now I just have to accept that there are two parts to me.  There is the part that hates and rejects this form of treatment.  And there is a part of me that is open to it.  There is a bridge of humor that helps to make the transition between these two selves possible.  So it helps me to rename chemo to “The Great Cosmic Juice”  and refer to the radiation as “The Great Cosmic Ray”.  If there is a way to align my purpose and will to these treatments – rest assured, I will find it.

We are powerful.  Our hearts and our energy bodies are much more powerful than we have given ourselves credit.  It is a power that is both soft and vulnerable.  And so it is this teacher, cancer, and it is because I am a student of all that I once rejected – traditional treatment of cancer – that deepens the surrender, the courage and strength within me now.

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23 Responses to “Aligning with The Great Cosmic Ray”

  1. Michelle Says:

    I love you Diane. Your inspiration runs deep in my heart.

  2. Claire Ryle Garrison Says:

    You are amazing, Diane. Your courage and honesty is truly an inspiration. You are in my thoughts and heart and prayers daily. Sending love, Claire

  3. Joanna Estelle Says:

    Dear Diane, My heart goes out to you in support of your courage and openness to the Healing Power of the Universe. Peace to you.

  4. Meg Abbott Says:

    What I wonderful reflection & so well put. I am truly proud of you.

  5. laurie Says:

    Dear Diane,

    Sending lots of positive love and angels your way…you amaze me!!! You are a great inspiration to us all! Keep it up sweetheart

  6. Laura Says:

    Beautiful post, Diane, from a beautiful soul! Even writing this is an act of vulnerability, surrender, courage and strength.

  7. Tracie Says:

    As a river runs thru the mountains, so does our fear, our strength, our energy is not wasted. You dear friend will reach so many hearts..helping someone face adversity, is like that river…cutting thru the earth, the rock…hugs dear friend…hugs..

  8. Troy Says:

    Your words fill us with a glowing since of secure, abundant love. Each day imagining that we must reinvent the justification of what we do right, as well as what we do wrong. Growing a new understanding of haven on earth, I look forward to seeing your glowing smile in a few weeks.
    Peace and Love Troy

  9. Amy Bowen Says:

    I was afraid to ask exactly what kind of malady you were facing, Diane. It seemed like such a cruel question. What would I do with the answer anyway? Try to rank it using my limited knowledge? I couldn’t ask. Here you have answered the question as well as outlined your approach and reasoning around your body’s survival. I would suggest that your decision to undertake this scary process is neither thoughtless nor a departure from your life’s philosophy.

    The question of whether radiation and chemo are consistent with your beliefs seems a heavy burden. I’m encouraged to know you are choosing to do absolutely everything–even things you never imagined you’d do–to destroy the cancer. I’m sending all my good energy in your direction! We need you here, so please do everything you can to overcome this setback.

  10. Leanne Field Says:

    You are an amazing person Diane! I commend you in every way possible. Your words are inspiring and I pray all will be well with your treatment and you can go on to help heal others that go through this difficult disease…no matter where it may have affected them. You are an inspiration and it’s beautiful in a way the steps you have taken and the story you have shared in your journey. Yes cancer is a questionable, horrible, and quite frankly completely bizarre if I may say so. I’ve lost loves to cancer and it’s scary no matter what. I wish you well and you are young and you have taken care of you so I believe your body will heal from this! Sending my *hugs* …with tears.

  11. Kristin Reisinger Says:

    Sending L O V E! (yes, that is a long shout!)
    Kristin and gang

  12. Amy Zielinski Says:

    Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom and your journey with us, Diane! You are an inspiration. How blessed we all are by your light.

  13. Barbie Says:

    You are such an inspiration, Diane. Thank you so much for sharing your journey with us. Sending you big heart-felt hugs and much love.

  14. Sarah Juliusson Says:

    In the face of the great unknown, you are summoning that of the love warrior: She who knows what to do when she doesn’t know what to do. This is new terrain, and there are new tools waiting to help guide you through it. Sending you my love & absolute Respect.

  15. Craig Stutzky Says:

    A beautiful statement, Diane. I wish you the very best in your journey of healing, from both the cancer and the treatment. I love your new names (Cosmic Juice and Cosmic Ray)!! Wishing you lots of strength in the days and weeks ahead. By the way, you look like a Cosmic Being from Another Planet in the picture—best of luck on your Cosmic Journey!

  16. Julianne Skai Arbor Says:

    You are a brave and beautiful warrior, Diane. There is a song I heard at the Michael Nesmith concerts called “Rays”. I will send it to you somehow. Love, Julianne

  17. Mary Johnson Says:

    Thank you, Diane, for reminding me to listen and to be open to the unexpected callings of life. Blessings.

  18. Connie Says:

    Dear Diane, I am cheering you on! Your heart is shining so bright and its light is sustaining me! Go girl! to whatever is coming down the tracks. I’m here, right beside you. ~ Connie

  19. Angie Says:

    You are an amazing beautiful lady and I love you.

  20. Mira Says:

    You ROCK! 😉 sending you rays of love and vibrant life! Oxoxo

  21. colette mercier Says:

    Hey love, I was so much more afraid of these treatment before seeing my mother go through with them last year. Now I have a respect and awe at all that modern medicine has to offer. And I totally agree that our little sub culture of self righteous organic eating, supplement popping has got to be examined. We can’t control the mystery by eating organic and being dogmatic about our lifestyle and habits. None of us are protected from illness, and ultimately death. Spirit is much more complicated that this! Loving you honey! I am on the process of writing you a letter that you will get soon! xooooxoxoxox

  22. TJ Burns Says:

    I’m sending healing vibes to you from the holy land, Diane! You are in my thoughts.

  23. Lindsay Says:

    I feel I am coming to this healing party a bit late…just thinking back to the amazing journey we were on with each other in Green Valley and all the potlucks we made and took part of. I just thought of your cute trailer that we snuggled up and talked about boys, life, career and this website that you so wonderfully made years ago. Like this site and the creativity you poured into it, I know spirit is guiding you to trust your instinct and wisdom guiding you to your own cosmic juice so powerful it will blast the toxins into where they need to be to do the healing then leave you with health, rejuvination and abundance…love love love you.

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