Archive for May, 2013

Making Friends with my Resistance

May 5, 2013

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“No more! I’m finished!  I quit!”  screams Ruby my fire-breathing dragon.  Yes, Ruby likes to come out and melt things down from time to time.  Fierce!  I have had to study up on dragons which means I know a lot more about courage, fear, and beauty.  Not everyone can say they have tamed a fire-breathing dragon – but can I still keep her tame?

Rosebud can make me turn invisible in an instant – gone – no where to be found.  Sure you might be looking right at me, but I am not there – just retreated into the deepest cavern.  She is masterful and does not even need an invisibility cloak – she can do it by herself instantaneously.  Sometimes she comes out when traces of chocolate are left around, but not this time – this time – she is unreachable.

“I need rest, comfort, and I need this bloody pain to go away RIGHT NOW!”  Petunia is the one clearly in touch with her needs and when they are not being met, she will let you know in no uncertain terms.  She is very good at getting her needs met, but not this time. She can’t even eat ice cream to ease the pain.

Flow can go a long with anything, put up with anything.  There is an extraordinary patience in her – she has endless capacity to be pulled apart and put back together… metamorphosis is her middle name.  But lately she is tired.  Even Flow has her limits.

Gertrude is my forever student – always a learning opportunity in everything.  Forever looking for the meaning, for the growth, for the lesson in life.  But now, even she is fed up.

What do you do when you hit your absolute wall of resistance? When you truly can go no further?  Upon who or what do you call for back up?  What do you do when the length of time you have been in pain is longer than you have ever known and your entire being is fighting with itself?  What blooms when we are pushed beyond our own limits? Have you ever been so discomforted that you transcended your body entirely and connect straight to essence?  Source?  Spirit?  These are the realms I now must grow into, expand into.  I have done so before, but never with such physical discomfort and resistance.

My council of selves is getting bigger and wiser.  Now, we welcome Faith, Grace, Angelique, and Celeste to sit at the table with us.  I look forward to getting to know them intimately.  Surely this stretch will be fruitful – even though I can’t touch it now… I can only stare my resistance straight in the eyes.  Just that alone is worth a lot. There is much to learn, much to integrate.  Fasten your seat belts ladies, it’s going to be bumpy ride!