Archive for June, 2013

Inner Homecoming

June 17, 2013


Sometimes when trauma finds us, we go through a series of coping strategies that end up severing parts of ourselves from our core self.  This is what happened to me these past months and tonight I was able to call them home.  Curing cancer is not for the faint of heart – especially when choosing to participate in the allopathic tradition.  Between having a growth (without my consent) take over my mouth, getting half my tongue cut off and restructured, a trachea cut into my neck, 50 lymph nodes removed, followed by weeks of poison designed to rip apart my dna via chemo and radiation, I experienced this severing.  It is not always obvious that actual parts of ourselves have left us.   We may just feel anxious, or a little out of sorts, or not ourselves… it can be subtle and it can also be more pronounced like panic attacks, depression, or suicidal thoughts.  For me, I just did not feel connected to the life around me anymore and my breath was not bringing me back into myself like I was accustomed to.

With the help of an ancient shamanic practice called soul retrieval, tonight I met with my young terrified parts that fled my body as I was undergoing these painful procedures.  Parts of me did stay and endure, but small and essential parts had also left me.  When I reached out with my intention, I met them and they were completely terrified.  They could not stop saying how scary all of that was.  These small voices of fear can be easy to miss when we are putting on a brave face and moving forward as boldly as we can.  Some people say just ignore or gloss over our fears – but would you do that with a small frightened child?  Our fears are like small children who simply need love and attention.  So I listened to how utterly scared these past months have been for these two aspects of myself.  And I knew they were not exaggerating – it really was that scary.  My adult self, the one who chose to remain present throughout the past several months nodded, listened, put an arm around each one and walked them back home.  It’s ok to be scared, there are things in this world that have the power to bring us to our knees.  To hug ourselves unconditionally through these times is what makes us whole and what crafts our ability to love bigger and bigger.  What could our world possibly need more than that?!!!  It does not take knowledge of shamanism or soul retrieval to reach out to lost aspects of self and welcome them home.  Who do you need to welcome home to become more whole and free?